Oscar Roundup

I know it's late but for some weekend fun I thought I'd share my thoughts about some of last week's fashion. I'm not commenting on the people themselves so much (outside of Marky Mark who needs to STFU for truly believing Christian Bale, Steve Buscemi and others wouldn't get ample recognition without him. Really??). I know that a lot of work and agonizing goes into walking the red carpet so I don't do this without feeling. Quite contrary, any criticism I give is the same I'd give to my best friend. Oh, and there will be swearing. There's a lot to celebrate as well! I won't use other's pics here but I will share links. So grab a drink and let the fun begin!

I'll start with the "Meh":

Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer: Yes, it's a holographic doily Elvis suit but it's "her".
Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein: Like the dress but the hair, jewelry and ultra tan ruined what might have been a nice look for her. Not gonna remember it next week though. 
Michelle Williams in Chanel Haute Couture: It's not fair to hold her to the '06 Vera Wang standard. She's not the same woman and doesn't seem to be interested in that version of pretty any more. But instead of luminous this look came off sad, for me at least. 
Nicole Kidman in Dior: Switch this dress with her Golden Globe look and she's on my best dressed list. This did nothing for her and I'm tired of the white already. Her face looked gorgeous though. 
Natalie Portman: She did look lovely and I give her props for switching to Rodarte after the Dior mess but she is clearly intent on making a run at Most Annoying Actress (forever held by Julia Roberts) so this is as good as it gets. 
Marisa Tomei: I get wanting to wear history, I mean it's Charles James! But know your limits or at least have the hair and make-up compliment or detract from the dress. 
Hilary Swank in Gucci Premiere: I appreciate the effort. I just feel like we've seen it. A lot. And the bottom looks dirty rather than artsy. I think Andrew and I need to play with it ;) 

"Almosts": Change one thing and it could have been legendary.

Halle Berry in Marchesa: You and I will never be that gorgeous under any circumstance. Ever. But the tulle at the bottom of her dress looked like the cats got to it. Rip that shit off and she shines like a goddess. 

Mila Kunis: Gorgeous dress and great color for her! 1 flimsy inch of fabric is all it would have taken to top my list. Unfortunately I, like most others, spent most of my time distracted by a potential wardrobe malfunction to notice what her hair and make-up looked like and her posture didn't help. It's the Oscars: spit out the gum, pull your shoulders back and cover up. Btw, hair was okay and it was nice to see less coon eye and a little more color on her but enough with the under eye circles! 

Jennifer Hudson in Atelier Versace: She looked fantabulous! The color was made for her! Her face was flawless! She was poised to take the night! And someone made the decision NOT to color match the breasts which then stood out like headlights. It's not like they just skipped it: she was covered in glittery body make-up from head to toe. Maybe the artist didn't realize Jennifer was going to display them like that? Either way, a friend should have stopped her on the way out. 

Sandra Bullock in Vera Wang: Loved the dress! Hair and make-up are a little severe but she's had a shit year. Giving her a pass.


Best make-up: Anne Hathaway. She looked young, luminous and regal at the same time. Not so keen on the bottom of the dress but when Valentino makes it, then escorts you, I don't know that you do anything but say, "Thank You".

Best standard: Helen Mirren in Vivienne Westwood Couture. Year after year she shows everyone how to do it right and not just for women her age. She laps some of the young hotties time and time again!

Best #3: Camilla Alves in Franco Kaufman. Yes, she's a model so immediately unfair advantage but her hair and make-up were the perfect compliment to her dress. Her Vanity Fair party dress was gorgeous too. Sometimes clean and pretty wins the race. 

Best #2: Hailee Steinfeld in Marchesa. Her first Oscars, she's 14 and she didn't take the "princess" thing too far, nor did she take this time to show us how grown up she is. The hair, the make-up, the dress, the shoes. Perfect.

Best #1: Cate Blanchett in Givenchy Couture. Like Nicole before her, she chooses what almost no one else can or would wear and schools them while doing it. In this she's an alien elven Mandarin Qweeeeeeen! Goddess I tell you.

Best party dresses: 

Jessica Biel in Atelier Versace at the Vanity Fair Party: rare win for her with me. She almost always misses the mark just enough that it seems she's trying to be interesting or quirky on purpose but it just looks wrong. This dress is stunning and should have gone to the Big Show. Hair and make-up are perfect too.
Emma Roberts in Jenny Packham at the Elton John party: LOVE the dress. Hair and make-up might have been pretty in person but didn't photograph well.
Catherine O'Hara in at the Vanity Fair Party: Showing us how it's done!

"Worsts": I almost hate to simplify as "worst". Not just bad, these were awful:

Worst Re-Tread: Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein. I know Hollywood is churning out remakes faster and faster but Scarlett Johansson just did this at the Golden Globes last year and Francisco should have known better. Have to say, Lawrence seemed hell bent this season to show how sexy she can be and maybe it worked with producers but she certainly aged herself beyond her 20 years and we've all seen where this road can end if you're not careful. Jennifer Coolidge needs to be cast as her mom in something NOW for maximum awesomeness!

Worst #3: Amy Adams in L'Wren Scot. If we're tallying up the entire Awards Season, she's #1 by far though. I say this with love: Amy, fire your team. I'm not one to do this lightly. Everyone needs to work but this team is not working for you. Consider your resume. Consider your nominations. Your team is doing everything in their power to make you look like you don't belong there. The hair is always wrong (WTF with the almost side pony at the SAG's???). The make-up is always wrong and here is no exception: green table, purple crease, pink lips??? And your stylist is hell bent on making you look heavier. Look after look has you either strapless or short sleeves and your arms are not your best feature. This L'Wren is stunning! But you should only pile on the jewelry if you're tall like Nicole Kidman or Julianne Moore and you're not. You could be amazing. Please find someone who wants it for you as much as you do. 

Worst #2: Scarlett Johansson in Dolce & Gabbana. Reportedly one of a kind and I seriously hope so. My reaction on seeing her was something along the lines of: WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK IS SHE FUCKING WEARING????????? It looks like a cheap 90's prom dress in that gross lace that gives you chills when you touch it and not in the good way. My repulsion to her dress was only matched by the mess that was happening above the shoulders. Her hair looks like it went through the blender and WHEN did it become okay to wear gold/orange on your eyes and blue pink lips??? It's one thing on a Eaton, she's a doll, but seriously should NEVER be allowed on a human. Scarjo's 26, has a body for classic fashion and this is what D&G thought would show off her best assets?? Cover the chest, take away her waist and show off the arms?? Add that huge ring from Claire's and her Camp WTF tattoo/stamp and ......you know what. Screw this. She just made #1 because my girl crush should not let me down like this. 

Worst #2: Reese Witherspoon in Giorgio Armani Prive. Or Elle Woods goes to the Oscars. Are you fucking kidding me with that mall dress and the matching mall hair? You are a strong, amazingly talented Oscar winning actress and powerful producer and you show up with fake hair that doesn't even match your own?? Compared to the Nina Ricci showings in the past with chic hair and amazing dresses, this is just offensive. And perhaps worse, lazy. 

Worst Party Dress: Cameron Diaz in W.T.F. happened? How do you go from ultimate princess moment AT the Oscars to this at an after party in one year? I love Cam. I know she can get back to amazing again. She needs some TLC though. 

If this teaches us anything it's: details matter; even the beautiful can stumble and/or fall on their face; and it's much more fun to watch in sweats :) Til next year!

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